Who are you? This was a question raised in a post called Behavior Questions. In that post was a series of questions that we can ask ourselves to identify certain behaviors. The question, who are you, is my favorite out of all of those questions due to the depth of it. So let’s explore that question, why it’s important and how we can try to answer it.
Who are you?
I was visiting a relative of mine a couple of months ago and we went to a women’s luncheon. The main speaker had us do an activity where we paired up with another person and talked, but then at the end, we had to ask each other that question. Not just one time, several times. The activity was great and I along with all the other ladies enjoyed it, but I couldn’t help but notice that we had trouble with that last question. Why?
Your answer Please.
Why can’t I answer this question?
So as the activity went on, we were asked the question and of course, we all started answering. My answers went like, “I’m a daughter, a wife, mom, school counselor,”. You know the easy answers. But then, the other person had to ask us that question again. And again. Several times we were asked, who are you?
What I took away from that activity was that the easy stuff is easy to answer. Yeah we may know that we are a mom or a dad, we have a spouse and what our basic job and responsibilities are, but what are we beyond that? What are we beyond the stuff that everyone can see or the easy answers? My friend, each time I was asked that question, I realized, I don’t know who I am. Trust me, I wasn’t the only one that realized that, it was mind-blowing.
Why is this Important?
What makes this question so important?
The importance of this question is plain and simple, it helps you discover the core of who you really are. It leads you to understand your inner self. It makes you see beyond the surface. To go to a much deeper level of understanding of yourself.
Do I Have to?
So, why are we not asking this question?
Your guess is as good as mine, but I have a theory as to why.
We never thought about the answer.
Well, why don’t we think about it? Because it’s not a question that we are asked. How many times have you been somewhere and someone asked you who are you? Well, unless that’s how your friends roll, nobody really asks us that.
We get questions like;
So what do you do for a living?
Are you married?
Do you have any children? If so, how many?
Where do you stay?
How did you like that game last night?
If you’re a younger person;
So what are your plans after graduation?
What do you want to be?
What field are you going in?
What school are you going to?
Nobody ever asks us who we are.
We are scared of the answer.
A lot of us, are scared to ask ourselves basic questions. The thought of asking ourselves who we really are at a much deeper level honestly would probably scare us to death. Some of us don’t go to the doctor, because we are scared of the results.
Some of us, don’t ask ourselves questions like;
Why do I hang out with people that are no good for me?
Why don’t I speak up for myself?
Why am I with this person when I know they don’t love me?
Why did I just lie when they asked me that?
Now, it could be that we don’t know the answer to those questions, but a lot of times, we don’t ask because we don’t want to know. We are scared of the truth.
Same thing with the question, Who are you? We are scared to know the answer.
You don’t know, what you don’t know.
I think the most obvious answer to this question is, we just don’t know. The majority of us have not analyzed a question like that. Therefore, we don’t know. The more and more I was asked that question, I struggled to answer it. It almost made me mad to a point. How am I this old and have come this far in life and I have no idea who I am?
I couldn’t answer the question because I just didn’t know. While I was starting to get mad, others around me were crying. Whether we feel anger or sadness, the problem remains. We just don’t know who we are. My friends, that is a problem.
How to Start.
Well, what can I do?
So, if this is a question that you need to be answered (and trust me, you do). What can you do to start trying to answer that question? Try to put some of these into place.
Have you listened to yourself? What do you say? What do you think? How do you talk to others? It’s time to start listening to yourself.
When we stop doing everything that we are doing on a daily and get still and quiet, we start to see ourselves for who we really are.
Writing is a good way to examine yourself. Just start writing down whatever comes to your mind. Brain dump.
How do other’s see you? Ask a trusted friend to give you some feedback.
Start meditating, doing self-analysis or self-coaching. The process can help you have a clearer answer to that question.
To really know, who you are. What can be better than that?
So, have you asked yourself, who you are? Take the time to do so. Like, really take the time to do so. Give yourself an opportunity to do so. You probably will find things that you won’t like, that will shock you and/or find things that you need to change. Nevertheless, you will answer the question. And you will most likely find that your capacity as a person to know and love yourself will truly grow.