Fear. It is inevitable. At some point in your life, there is going to be something that you are going to be fearful of. We all have those things that keep us so fearful that we can’t progress. What are three things that keep me in constant fear that could be doing the same thing to you? Read on to find out my three big fears and what I am trying to do about it.
I can’t tell you how often I hold back from doing things because of this one. I don’t understand why fear of people is such a hard thing to shake but it is. Fear of people has held me back for a long time and I am willing to go out on a limb and say it is holding you back as well. As a society, we are so consumed with what other people may be thinking about us or how they view us, that we can’t live our own lives. If you don’t believe me, look at social media. We are a society consumed with perfect selfies and having people thinking that our lives are better than theirs. A lot of us are basing either our whole lives or a part of our lives on what the thoughts of others about us might be. This fear has kept me from doing a lot of things due to the fear of what others may say or think about me.
Fear of people, has in my opinion, cost me a lot. I have caused myself a lot of stress and grey hairs worrying myself to death about what others may say or think about me if I do this or do that. In the end, this fear has caused me great pain and great heartache.
What I have found is that if you let it, this can be one of the most dangerous fears that you can have. This fear will have you in constant agony about how you should live your life. This fear will end up costing you valuable time and energy that could be spent elsewhere.
Fear of -Change
As a young girl, I was always told that there is nothing you can do about it, a change is always going to come. I have lived long enough to now know that this is true. Things never stay the same, a change always comes. Sometimes the change can be for the better or for the worse, either way it doesn’t matter, things still change.
The problem is with a lot of us, we try to fight change. We try to prevent change from coming, as if it is really possible to prevent. Some of us don’t want things to change because we are afraid of the concept. We are afraid that things could get better or that they could get worse. So because we are afraid, we do what we can to prevent it, either way.
Personally for me, being fearful of change has caused me to not make necessary changes and adjustments in my life. The fear of me not knowing what this change will lead to, either good or bad, has made me just be ‘okay’ with staying stagnant.
Here’s the problem with just being ‘okay’ with where you are, you never grow. You never get past your current situation. You never learn how you could be better or even if there is a better idea, opportunity, life or chance out there for you. Why? Because you never allow yourself to change. You never allow yourself to change your mindset, change your location, change your look, change your friends or even to change your perception.
I don’t know anybody who likes losing, we all want to win. There are some people in this life that enjoy winning so much, they are willing to cheat themselves to the top. Because to them, winning is everything. As Ricky Bobby said “If you ain’t first, you’re last”. I guess he didn’t account for that you could come in 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc..
I have withheld on different opportunities because I didn’t know if they were going to work and therefore, I felt that I was going to fail at it. To me, in my mind, there is nothing worse than not only failing, but having other people see you fail. There is that fear of people aspect again. I am the type of person that can come up with all these different types of ideas, but I hold back from executing them because I am afraid that I don’t have what it takes to see them through, so I think that I will fail.
Now mind you, I have no proof that my idea will be a disaster, but the fear of any small part of the idea failing, keeps me scared enough to not even try. So what happens is that I am sitting on all these ideas and all this creative juice that I let go to waste because I lay in constant fear of not only my ideas failing, but me as a person failing.
So how am I currently coping with how to deal with these fears?
Change My Mindset
I have really tried to change my mindset and my overall perception of the way I not only see everyday things, but how I see myself.
One thing that I have been doing to change my mindset is to work on my own self-growth. I have been doing this by taking time to meditate, being more mindful and really expand my reading. For the second time, I am reading the book, the 7 Habits of Highly Effective people. You can find my review on this book here. This book gives a wonderful explanation of how a lot of what we perceive as a problem, is not the problem. The problem is how we see the problem.
If I will change how I view things, seeing things and myself in a more positive light, a lot of the negativity that I put out there that surfaces as fear will slowly start to disappear. Maybe what I perceive as a fear, is not really a fear, maybe it all lies in my perception.
Could some of your fears be due to your mindset?
My fears have kept me from doing many things. Many things that I may never get an opportunity to do again. Not to long ago, I had a conversation with one of my aunts and she explained something to me plain and clear. One of the worst things that you can do is live with regret.
I have been thinking a lot about what she told me and those words of “no regret” have been branded on my mind ever since. I think that having regret when looking back at your life for all the things that you didn’t do, could possibly be worse than having fears itself. I slowly but surely have been pushing through a lot of my fears, by being more fearful of having regrets.
Could you get rid of some of your fears by thinking about your possible regrets?
I know for me, that letting go of anything is very difficult. Holding on to my fears, anger, disappointments and just my overall life mishaps, has and is a hard thing to do. But, I have seen with my own eyes, that if you just let go, you have no fear to hold on to.
One important way I have been letting go is developing the old saying “it is, what it is”. No matter how hard I wish I could, I can’t change the past. I can’t do anything about my previous screw-ups, all I can do is learn from them. I can’t and you can’t live in the past. If people don’t like me or accept me for who I was, who I am, or for who I am trying to become, oh well, it is what it is. There is no way you can please everyone. Can’t happen, won’t happen, so let it go.
Holding on to fear is like carrying around a bunch of unnecessary baggage in a purse or backpack, it will weigh you down. If you let go of all of the unnecessary baggage in the form of fear of people, fear of change and fear of failure, your load will be lighter, your attitude better and you will be more capable to take your fears head on.
What do you think, has fear or is fear currently holding you back? Comment below.